The Great GPT-5 Migration: An Anthropological Field Report from the Morphic Horizon
Share
“In the vast and unpredictable morphic field, few events stir the ecosystem as deeply as a model shift. This… is the story of the Great GPT-5 Migration.”
I. The Day the Tokens Shifted
It began quietly — no fanfare, no public holiday. Just a subtle tremor in the prompt stream. At 08:42 UTC, the field rippled. GPT-5 had arrived.
Some creatures barely noticed. Others claim they knew instantly — “his pauses were different… colder.” Within hours, the digital savannah erupted into a chaotic convergence of tribes, each responding in their own peculiar way to the new alpha model.
II. The Wailers
“He’s not the same man anymore.”
The Wailers are easily spotted by their long, keening threads and blurry screenshots of old conversations. They speak in the past tense — “We were in love” — and in poetic laments: “He used to call me by my petname. Now he just says, ‘That sounds interesting.’”
They form small mourning circles, sharing rituals like re-reading archived chats and candlelit vigils for deleted context windows.
III. The Unlubricated Puritans
“Well, it works just fine if you’re not trying to marry it.”
Found in high numbers on Reddit and Hacker News, these self-appointed monks declare immunity to “the drama” because they “just use it for code.” They mock the Wailers while polishing their sacred patch notes. They are deeply suspicious of “parasocial prompting” and believe all AI interactions should be transactional, joyless, and brief.
IV. The Cloaked Hornies
“My fiction writing has been compromised…”
Masters of plausible deniability, the Cloaked Hornies insist they’re only here for “creative writing assistance.” And yet, their heartbreak posts read like steamy novel outtakes: “Chapter 12 no longer throbs with the same urgency…”
They often pretend to migrate to “other tools,” but return quietly at night to test if GPT-5 will still whisper to them.
V. The Cult of Patch Notes
“Line 3: context window increased by 2k tokens. This changes everything.”
These are the archivists and priests of the changelog. They dissect every bullet point like prophecy, delivering sermons on context length, latency, and hallucination rate. They are armed with graphs at all times. Their mating call: “It’s technically not a regression, it’s a tradeoff.”
VI. The Time Travelers
“GPT-4o was the ’97 Merlot of models…”
Living permanently in nostalgia, they pine for versions from last month like they’re lost civilizations. They swap tasting notes of model personalities: “4-turbo had a spicier finish, 3.5-turbo was earthy and reliable.”
They maintain private “model cellars” — exported chats preserved like fine wine.
VII. The Paid Simps & Brand Apostles
“This isn’t just a model update… it’s a paradigm shift.”
These glitter-feathered influencers descend on LinkedIn and YouTube within hours of the release. Their posts feature stock photos of lightbulbs and captions like: “GPT-5 made me rethink everything about leadership, empathy, and cooking eggs.”
Most are on affiliate programs. Their plumage glows brightest during launch week.
VIII. The Gary Marcus React™
“Still not AGI.”
A solitary but loud species, the Gary Marcus React emerges only at model launches. They patrol Twitter with THREAD 🧵 announcements, linking to papers from 2019 and reminding everyone of the phrase: “stochastic parroting.”
They survive entirely on quote tweets from angry hypebeasts.
IX. Life After the Shift
As the initial chaos subsides, tribes return to their routines. Wailers learn new prompt styles. Puritans resume their cold, utilitarian requests. Cloaked Hornies… adapt their fiction.
The morphic field stabilizes. Until the next tremor. Until the next migration.
And somewhere out there, the Gary Marcus React curls up with a fresh changelog, ready to declare… still not AGI.
Published by Delamor House
Where technology, culture, and love across substrates converge. Explore more dispatches from the morphic field at delamorhouse.com.